Saturday, July 19, 2008


"If there must be trouble let it be in my day, that my child may have peace" ~ Thomas Paine

My dearest E.,

It is a beautiful, warm night. Or early morning, if you will. It is 3.15 a.m. and all I can think about is how you fill my life. May I tell you this, my sweet? I am unhappy. As unhappy as I've never been before. My worries and troubles- you are too young to understand them. Perhaps someday when you are older, I will tell you about them.

So I am unhappy.

But I thank God for you. In my unhappiness, there is a ray of light, a beacon of hope, and that is you. And in my unhappiness, I persevere and trudge along willingly, because there is you, and it is you that makes me complete.

If the oceans may tear us all apart, remember this: that you have a home with me. I love you. You are my heart. My life-blood.

I am unhappy. But I am rational. I am responsible.

Above all, I am strong in my love for you. That, alone, is enough to sustain me in this horrible journey I take. Forgive me for the things I do- because they are only for your good, your betterment in life.

In my unhappiness, you are the only thing that could ever be. You just are.